The Bigge Idea

Two Months Late to This, But Still Funny

2009-11-26T11:42:00.001-05:00

When he got back to his computer, Twitter was still broken. He pulled the blue plastic tarp off his laptop, then folded it and carried it out to the grocery cart and packed it and came back with their plates and some cornmeal cakes in a plastic bag and a plastic bottle of syrup. He spread the small tarp they used for a table on the ground and laid everything out and he took the pistol from his belt and laid it on the cloth and then he just sat watching the laptop go into sleep mode. He'd pulled away his mask in the night and it was buried somewhere in the blankets. He watched the laptop and he looked out through the trees toward the road. This was not a safe place. They could be seen from the road now it was day. The laptop hummed quietly in the blankets. Then its screen went bright. Hi, Papa, the laptop said.

(link).

This is What We Should Talk About When We Talk About the TTC

2009-11-23T09:23:00.002-05:00

(link).

My Spacing Article About the Sex Appeal of Women on Bikes

2009-11-16T15:01:00.004-05:00

This article appeared in the Summer-Fall 2009 issue of Spacing. The photos did not.

The Bi(ke) Curious
Two-wheeled sex machine

Ryan Bigge

In the summer, if you are both observant and fortunate, you will spot a woman on a bicycle wearing heels. The point of her shoe will suspend in mid-air as her legs trace precise circles. If she is wearing a sundress, even better.

A woman pedaling a bike is alluring – wind in her hair, smooth, carefree grace, firm calf muscles. But is this because attractive women ride bicycles? Or does the very act of bicycling bestow a seductive aura upon a woman? This might seem a trivial question, but trying to locate the erotic frisson of bicycling is not straightforward.

Take the recent World Naked Bike Ride, held in early June, which offers plenty of evidence that pedaling can be utterly unerotic. Hollywood, meanwhile, treats a man on a bicycle as a punchline, at least in films like The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Ditto the TV show Arrested Development.

And yet a “not” can be turned into a “hot” through proximity to cranks and gears. In an October 2008 Toronto Life article, Richard Poplack discovered that infamous bike hoarder Igor Kenk “had a string of lovers over the years, most of whom lived nearby and were seduced by his combustive mixture of charm and profanity, his masculine unpredictability and un-Toronto-ness. One neighbour told me, ‘There were always beautiful girls talking to Igor, getting their bikes fixed for hours.’”

Three years ago, some Portland, Oregon perverts decided to push the erotic logic of cycling to its ultimate conclusion and create a Bike Porn film festival (link). The festival showcases user-submitted sex-positive short films that make the cycling fetish explicit (as does the Peaches video “Lovertits,” featuring Feist and another girl making out with and on their bikes).

Meanwhile, photoshoots with bicycles are becoming more frequent on alt pin-up websites like SuicideGirls and DeviantNation. There is also a Toronto girl bike gang called The Deadly Nightshades (link) who, unlike the suicides and the deviants, produce photographs that are captivating and safe for workplace viewing.

Whether bike porn and cheesecake pin-ups are empowering or the same old objectification is not an easy question to answer. More importantly, it might be the wrong question to ask. In his May 31 New York Times Book Review of Pedaling Revolution: How Cyclists are Changing American Cities, musician and artist David Byrne (himself an avid urban cyclist since the late 1970s) argues that more high heels on pedals could help reduce our carbon footprint.

“I can ride till my legs are sore and it won’t make riding any cooler,” he notes. “But when attractive women are seen sitting upright going about their city business on bikes day and night, the crowds will surely follow.”

In Case You Missed Them

2009-11-16T14:45:00.002-05:00

Book review of 8x10 by Michael Turner: (link).

Book review of Slanted and Enchanted: The Evolution of Indie Culture (Kaya Oakes) and And Then There's This: How Stories Live and Die in Viral Culture (Bill Wasik): (link).

The Wasik book will help explain balloon boy. The Oakes will explain the crippling success of indie culture: (link).

Globe and Mail Article on Microstores

2009-11-16T14:40:00.002-05:00

After an informal and unscientific poll among other writer friends, I realized that no one saw this piece when it ran in the Toronto section of the Globe and Mail last month (October 10.) Thus, here it is, once again.

It's not the size, it's what you do with it
Ryan Bigge

Located on a quiet stretch of College Street near Lansdowne, it's easy to miss Industtrees, a new 340-squarefoot art gallery and trinket store. Featuring small, cartoonish paintings by New York artist Gea, along with Vladmasters (handmade View-Master reels for grown-ups), the latest issue of The Believer and a tiny analog synthesizer called the Stylophone (David Bowie used one on the album Space Oddity ), this microstore appears be an anomaly in a big-box world.

But Industtrees, along with Cubeshops (400 square feet) and Sam James Coffee Bar (280 square feet) represent an intelligent expression of entrepreneurial ambitions during a recession. Toronto had a tiny perfect mayor (David Crombie), so why not tiny perfect retail? “It's boutique-esque,” says 24-year-old co-owner Cameron Kowalchuk, describing the retail aspect of the gallery, which opened in early July. “You're forced to focus.”

As last Sunday's New York Times pointed out, the latest trend in retail is “curating” items: supplying a few choice objects instead of a surfeit of choice. The microstore can be thought of as a hip experiment in subtraction, rather than a pragmatic response to economic circumstances. Meanwhile, lower rent allows owners to take risks and remain true to their niche sensibilities, rather than rely on volume.

Hence the design store Cubeshops, which opened in early August. (Despite the plural, there is only one location, on Baldwin Street, beside The Little Video Shop). With its focus on limited edition, functional art pieces from Japan, Cubeshops resembles an even more tightly curated version of Queen West fixture Studio Brillantine. The colourful dinosaur-shaped rubber bands, clothespin chopsticks and staple-free staplers pop from the white walls, while the fishbowl-style front window encourages gawking. “We're trying to maximize the impact of our minimalism,” explains co-owner Sid, who demurs when asked for his surname, perhaps worried it will take up too much room.

Many micros hide macro ambitions – Mr. Kowalchuk hopes to be in a bigger (and more foot-traffic friendly) location within a year. But others shrug off temptations to expand, afraid of losing the unique charm that keeps customers loyal. The Smart-car-sized Blood and Bandages at College and Dovercourt, which opened in 2007, has two barber chairs crammed into under 100 square feet and would be just another snip shop at any other size. Whether it's the result of an aversion to greed, or a touch of laziness, a small but steady profit is often preferable to an ill-fated attempt at world-domination.

For 25-year-old barista Sam James, who runs the Sam James Coffee Bar (his shop's cheeky name aside, the proprietor's actually quite modest), thinking small is baked into his business model. “If you're not in a high-volume location, you can focus on quality coffee without compromising,” he argues. “And I think people will go out of their way to seek out that quality.” His three-seat coffee spot opened in early September at Harbord and Clinton, and coffee aficionados regularly spill out into the sidewalk on weekends.

Cozy can even become a way of life. Having just survived working 30 days straight, Mr. James took a well-earned break from the daily grind last Tuesday, during which he slept in, ate cheese and got reacquainted with his cat. He also decided to patronize another microstore – Speakeasy, a new tattoo shop that just happens to be located right next door to his coffee bar.

It is, after all, a small world.

Comment Boards Are My Favourite Thing

2009-11-13T13:59:00.002-05:00

This was a few weeks ago, but I forgot to post. The source material is linked below, but the comment speaks for itself. Rational public sphere indeed.

(link).

When In Doubt, Ask a Canadian Celebrity For Medical Advice

2009-11-01T11:41:00.004-05:00

I think Annabel Lyon is a phenomenal writer. That said, I don’t give a rat’s ass about whether or not she’s getting the H1N1 flu shot. Her new novel is about “Aristotle's relationship with Alexander the Great” according to the Globe. How does that make her medical decisions any more or less relevant than those of "ordinary Canadians?"

For more of The Globe and Mail doing what it does best: (link).

My Obligatory, Bi-Annual Potshot at Russell Smith

2009-11-01T11:18:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Mr. Smith, for writing in such a way that my making fun of you is entirely unnecessary.

Exhibit A: TwitterTits

Exhibit B: Unboxing Trend Three Years Too Late

Really Crazy Estate

2009-10-31T16:51:00.002-04:00

When Amanda Cohen and Noah Segal received multiple offers on their semi-detached downtown Toronto home Sunday, one stood out. Along with a written bid, the potential buyers included a video presentation with a unique message.

"They showed their baby 'signing' the offer and told us how much they loved our place," says Cohen. "I thought it was brilliant. We were really moved."

Chocolates. Maple Leafs tickets. Handwritten notes and personalized videos. Bidding wars for Toronto real estate are once again percolating, with desperate buyers trying to make an impression however they can. The phenomenon, say real estate insiders, speaks volumes about the city's housing market.

"People are now making audition tapes begging you to let them buy your house, and by the way, they'd also like to give you more money than you asked for. How outrageous is that?" says Bernard Lang, a Toronto investor in rental properties.

(link).

Depressingly Honest Letter From the Editor

2009-10-19T15:29:00.004-04:00

I thought the recession was supposed to eliminate the need for such awful self-parody. Apparently not. The only thing edgy about this magazine is a potential paper cut from it.

Ba-dum-dum.

(link).

So Very Wrong

2009-10-17T13:05:00.002-04:00

It's less the costume itself than the frat guy giving the thumbs up while the more refined woman tries to retain some measure of dignity. The male-female dynamic, in microcosm.

Bored To Death of Bourbon

2009-10-16T12:07:00.004-04:00

I blogged a little while ago about how Blanton's appeared in the pilot of Bored to Death, albeit very subtly. I wondered if it was product placement or not.

Well it was, as episode four proved:

I still haven't decided how I feel about this, given that I like said bourbon but dislike product placement.

The Co-Owner of Café 668 Was So Rude to Me I’m Blogging About It

2009-10-15T13:26:00.002-04:00

Dear Café 668,

This is painful to write, because we go way back, and I used to like you a lot. My wife and I used to visit you, at your old location, fairly often. When you moved west on Dundas, and opened a beautiful new restaurant, we were really impressed with both the décor and the food. It’s hard to find good vegetarian food in Toronto, and you were doing it exceedingly well.

I’ll admit we didn’t visit you as often as we should have – a few times a year. But we brought friends sometimes, and mentioned it favourably to a number of people.

I thought we had something special between us, co-owner Hon Quach. You used to be so nice to us at the old location. And I acknowledge you were either busy or short-staffed on Saturday night (October 10, 2009) when the four of us arrived. Things started okay -- you took our order quickly, and brought us our wine, and everything was good. The soup was wonderful.

And then the first dish arrived, and it wasn’t what we had ordered. We wanted the Singapore Curry Vermicelli (#55). I know the number, because I ordered for the table, and I said the number of the dish, along with its description. What we got, as it turned out, was #65 (Vegetarian Curry).

Now, maybe you misheard me or I didn’t enunciate quite enough. But when I called you back to the table, and asked about the dish you’d just given us, you insisted, in an incredibly rude and curt manner, that it was what we had ordered. And then you refused to take the dish away.

I had to get up from the table, walk to the rear of the restaurant, and talk to you a second time about the misunderstanding. I opened up a menu and tried to suggest that you had confused #55 with #65. And you were having none of it. “I remember what you ordered,” you said, and then went on to insist that the first thing I had ordered was the Vegetarian Curry. Which was not true. Finally you relented, took away #65 and soon replaced it with what we wanted.

Now, I don’t believe the customer is always right, but instead of being a jerk, you could have at least entertained the possibility that there had been some kind of mix up. Because here’s the thing – rectifying the error in a pleasant manner costs you four bucks in ingredients, tops.

Instead, because you were such a jackass about the situation, I’m never going to eat at Café 668 again. (We will redirect our vegetarian money to King's Cafe instead.) The two friends we brought with us, who are vegetarian and live nearby and are new to Toronto, might also never eat at your restaurant again. That’s a few hundred dollars a year, down the drain.

Here’s a final tip – literally. Being nice about the mix-up would have resulted in us leaving a 15 percent tip, instead of the 3 percent you received Saturday night. I can’t imagine being rude to us was worth it. Literally.

Best,
Ryan

Another N minus One Cheapshot

2009-10-15T10:35:00.002-04:00

N plus one is to thinking as a Renaissance Festival is to warfare.

-- Tom Scocca

(link).

But What Do You Really Think? (Or, N minus One)

2009-10-14T09:19:00.003-04:00

Let me slow down here and make this point clearly, because people have a terrible habit, especially in New York, of refusing to believe this sort of thing and throwing around all kinds of silly chaff–accusations of bad faith and pandering and whatnot–to avoid it: I disliked the piece.

On its merits, I disliked it. I know very little about you as a person, and I know even less about Mark Greif. There were words, arranged into an essay. I disliked the way the words were arranged and thought that the ideas they expressed were not well considered. It seemed to me that the author was assuming a stance of moral, political, and intellectual superiority that he had not, based on the contents of the piece, earned. In fact, it seemed to me that the morals, politics, and ideas expressed in the piece were bad.

-- Tom Scocca, The Awl

(link).

Women Apparently Aren't Funny Redux

2009-10-05T14:10:00.002-04:00

In other diversity news, Leno’s and the rest of the nighttime comedy shows are bizarrely lacking in women writers. Did a bomb go off and kill all the women comedy writers and leave the men standing? The other night on the Emmy Awards broadcast, the names of the nominees for best writing on a comedy or variety series were read, and, out of eighty-one people, only seven were women. Leno has no women writers on his show. Neither does David Letterman, and neither does Conan O’Brien. Come on.

-- Nancy Franklin in the New Yorker

(link).

Now Let's Go On To Something Ruder

2009-09-30T21:21:00.007-04:00

Ah, but does your car mechanic neighbour choke your throttle? That's the real question.

(link).

If Only John Tory Could Stay on Message, He Might Have a Chance

2009-09-25T13:42:00.003-04:00

John Tory, who lost to Miller in the 2003 campaign, issued a statement late this morning thanking the mayor for his public service, and hinting at another mayoral run of his own.

"I would at this time like to thank the hundreds of people who have been contacting me on the street, by email, Facebook and other means, encouraging me to run," Tory wrote. "The next election will be about renewal of the city. People tell me they are looking for vision, competence, better services, and better value for their tax dollars. I look forward to continuing to discuss these issues with people across the city."

[…]

John Tory, who lost to Miller in 2003, praised Miller's record of public service over the past 15 years while saying that people are urging him to run in 2010.

"They love their city as I do, (but) they think our city can be better. They think that we need better services, better value for the tax money, more hope. And they are encouraging me to take a look at it, which I've said I will do," Tory said in a television interview.

[…]

But until he declares whether he's a candidate, Tory said he's not prepared to discuss what his priorities would be.

"What I will say is this: People are correct in saying they're not getting good value for the taxes they are paying.

People are correct in saying they're not getting competent government. We've seen this week these instances where $200 million mistakes are kind of shrugged off," he said.

"I think you've got to focus on how you get competent government, better value for the tax dollars, which I think will help to create more hope in people and help us to do more in the disadvantaged neighbourhoods which I passionately believe we have to do."

(link).

Blanton's is Bored To Death

2009-09-23T18:04:00.005-04:00

Here's what I should have done to begin with -- blogged about this strange bit of not-quite-product-placement. Instead I mentioned it in a FB status update.

Anyway, I find it interesting that unless you own a 46 inch TV, it's damn tough to figure out what Ted Danson is drinking in episode two of Bored to Death. So, does that make it product placement or background noise? It's not like a small batch bourbon (that happens to be oh-so-good) has much money to try and get itself into television shows. The bottle looks great, which might be one of the reasons a props guy chose it.

Anyway, it feels like there's a larger point here, but it's just outside my grasp. Is it that I'm disappointed that I finally saw something I heartily endorse, on television, and it wasn't blatant product placement? Is it that at this point, I've lost the ability to determine what did and did not pay its way onto the screen? That my increasing paranoia about commercial intrusion will ultimately leave me shivering in a heap five years from now?

There is only one answer, at least in this instance -- a small tumbler full of bourbon. Delicious Blanton's bourbon that is.

Two Screen Grabs On The Journalistic Ethics of Tweeting

2009-09-23T18:00:00.002-04:00

My Course, The Freelance Writing Business Starts October 5

2009-09-21T12:00:00.003-04:00

Hello. The usual reminder that I'm teaching a course on freelance writing and business aspects of writing for a living. The course is Monday nights, and begins October 5, so if you're interested, I recommend registering soon. Former students have gone on to publish articles in a variety of magazines and newspapers.

(link).

Selling Ice Cubes to the Northwest Territories

2009-09-16T09:48:00.004-04:00

And now for what we found the most startling figure of all: three times as many people are concerned with crime as with transportation—this after Transit City, streetcar purchases, bike lane disputes, and the apparently civilization-ending decision to sometimes, every so often (but not oftener) allow non-drivers to, you know, get around too. Transportation has been the centrepiece of Miller's second term in office, and Transit City is intended to be his major legacy project. Yet people simply aren't biting.

(link).

This is taken from a good article by Hamutal Dotan on Torontoist that argues Miller does good things but is unable to sell his vision for the city effectively. My only fear is that people aren't biting because they don't want what Miller is selling, regardless of his perceived lack of salesmanship. I just got back from Montreal, where I am always impressed with not only the bike lanes (and the new Bixi rent-a-bike setup) but the general culture surrounding alternative transportation. I've house-sat in Montreal three times, each time for a month, so I feel as though I have some handle on the place. And there is clearly both a push for alternate forms of transportation, but also a demand for it. A psychological predisposition toward it. Yes, taxes are higher, but you can also see (or at least I can see) where that money is going.

I find this not to be the case in Toronto. While I suspect that an effective system of protected bike lanes would encourage more people to bike, which in turn would help make the case for spending money on biking, Toronto is a horrendously car-centric city. Any attempt to infringe upon the car brings the embedded car entitlement to the surface. And that is bred into the culture of the city, through a process I'm not entirely clear on. One of the best examples I can give is a June 2008 article by Philip Preville in Toronto Life. (I should mention I've met him a few times.) It's a smart, well-researched article about the tensions between bikes and cars in Toronto that concludes by suggesting instead of more bike lanes, we need to redesign intersections along the naked streets model proposed by some Dutch dude, wherein traffic lights and other markings are stripped away and commuters, be they bike or car or pedestrian, must establish eye contact to negotiate who is going to cross when.

The problem with the article, (which I've read and re-read a few times) is that it essentially leaves the reader feeling as though there is no actual solution to the bike problem. Montreal's protected bike lanes are a hassle to maintain according to Preville, but he also admits that the naked streets idea is unlikely ever to be implemented. For now, the status quo will have to do.

Spacing and the like are doing excellent work (I'm probably biased, since I contribute occasionally to Spacing), and the bike union is a great step forward too. But from my unscientific and occasional skimming of CBC and Toronto Star article comments, there is definitely a contingent of the city (how large, I'm unsure) that doesn't care about cyclists in the least, and lacks the psychological leanings to support anything new or different or communal. The individualistic ethos of the city is very clear as compared with Montreal and Vancouver, which results in a different relationship with the environment, etc. Amalgamation doesn't help.

The lesson, sadly, is to follow the Lastman approach: promise not to raise property taxes much and funnel money toward the cops. For a selfish city allergic to change of any kind, this is the ideal platform, as it allows people to buy more stuff, and ensures that stuff is less likely to get stolen.

It 'seams' like some thing touches me

2009-08-28T16:18:00.002-04:00

I Don't Envy These Green Authors

2009-08-27T21:22:00.000-04:00

Elizabeth Kolbert runs a cement trunk through a half-dozen enviro-conscious stunt books, smacking three Canadian authors real damn hard.

(link).

It's Funny Cause It's True

2009-08-19T10:40:00.001-04:00

"Colder Than Most People From Toronto." (link).

Sadly, it's being taken down.