Animal Parts

Last Thursday, J.D. Sparks, in the Dallas Observer, wrote about Neuticles:

Neuticles are testicular implants for pets. Produced by Missouri-based CTI Corp., the implants are available in different styles and sizes to fit cats, dogs, horses and bulls. Business has been strong, especially in Texas, where more Neuticles have been sold than in any other state except California.

[…]

Prosthetic testicles, it turns out, are big business. More than 100,000 animals have received Neuticles. The company sells an estimated 1,000 sets a month at an average of $110 a pair. More than 8,000 clinics across the nation and in 32 countries have ordered the product.

Neuticles come in two styles--original and natural. The less expensive "original" model is made of polypropylene and has a firmer, almost plastic rigidity, while the newer, "natural" brand is molded out of solid silicone and has a softer, spongier feel at twice the price. They come in five sizes, and the average kidney-shaped testicle fit for a collie measures an inch and a half long.

Speaking of balls, here’s a bold marketing move, courtesy of Allison Kaplan in the Pioneer Press:

Hyper Cow, a new brand from Maplewood-based milk producer Schroeder Co., wins the dubious distinction of being the first caffeinated milk beverage.

Available starting Saturday, it will be sold exclusively for the next few months at Super America. It comes in three flavors: Straight Up Strawberry, Chocolate Shock and Mean Mocha Cappuccino. There is as much caffeine and sugar as in a can of regular Coke and a lot more calories — approximately 400 per 16-ounce bottle. But the main ingredient is 2 percent milk.

"We're giving teens the caffeine they want but also vitamins, calcium and protein," says Jill Schroeder, brand manager.

Today's Scorecard
Free market: 2
Human Race: 0