Saturday, November 16, 2013

Emergen-C copywriting

I've been looking at this ad for at least two weeks:

It's not quite right. Every time I read it I find it clunky somehow, especially the phrase "to press the number for his floor."

Wednesday night I was waiting for the subway and the solution came to me in a burst. Here's how the ad should read:

Jimmy the 
germophobe waits 
patiently for someone 
to press his floor 
number. Come on 12!

It's 10 characters shorter and has a much better rhythm and flow. You're welcome.