Maria Can Sing, But Times Zones Still a Problem

When CBC announced who won the Maria Karaoke Problem on their website, they kinda forgot they're three hours ahead of much of the country. Which meant that Western Canadians with the internet had the drama and suspense ruined for them.

Having lived in Toronto for longer than I care to admit, I must admit that it can be easy, at least occasionally, to fall into the centre of the universe trap.

(link).

CanLit Writing Tip #383

Of course, economics determines in large part what gets published. But though this may not be entirely desirable, there's a compelling argument for the marketplace determining quality. Shakespeare, for instance, went with whatever he could find that would appeal to audiences. This, I'd say, is the best advice any young Canadian writer can take, rather than listening to some gadfly spouting imagination-limiting prescriptivism.

-- Nigel Beale, from his review of Henighan's Afterlife of Culture. In the July 26, 2008 Globe and Mail. (link).

Gas Pains

I was thinking about this strip recently, and through the miracle of the search engine, I managed to find it. Enjoy.

Someone Is Wrong on the Internet

And that person is me: (link).

Apparently, my blog, with its readership of dozens, is helping to destroy the blogosphere as we know it. Let me take this opportunity to apologize for ruining everything.

I wonder what it must be like to always be right? I hope Joe Clark derives untold satisfaction from his unique superpower.

Staffers Rejoice as Tank of Piranhas Named New Walrus Editor-In-Chief

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Staffers Rejoice as Tank of Piranhas Named New Walrus Editor-In-Chief

After enduring five turbulent years of Ken Alexander’s reign, Walrus magazine staffers celebrated today’s announcement that a tank of piranhas has been chosen as Alexander’s successor.

I could add a second paragraph of cruel hilarity, but the joke is in the headline. Goodbye Ken. Few of us will miss you.

Thanks For the Many Hours of Free Entertainment, But From Now On, I’ll Be Without Lost

There’s a famous scene in The Simpsons, the Poochie episode, where the comic book guy explains how he expressed his displeasure regarding a substandard episode of Itchy and Scratchy. “Rest assured,” he says to Bart, “that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.” They continue arguing (dialogue courtesy of snpp.com):

Bart: Hey, I know it wasn’t great, but what right do you have to complain?
CBG: As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.
Bart: What? They're giving you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? If anything, you owe them.

I agree with Bart, and in that spirit I’d like to thank Lost for the first 13 episodes of Season One. I am not planning on watching any more Lost, but the first 13 were, for the most part, compelling and enjoyable. The reveal regarding John Locke’s “condition” was one of the few times I was genuinely surprised by a TV show. It wasn’t a cheap reveal either – the evidence was there, but masterfully hidden, so that you didn’t feel ripped off, or, worse, able to solve the riddle instantly (which I find often happens with even the best shows on television).

In the meantime, hang in there, people of Lost. Your fate will be determined in 2010.

Oh … The Line of Beauty

My summary of The Line of Beauty, by Allan Hollinghurst:

“Oh … ” Nick said.
“Oh … !” Nick said.
“Oh …” Nick said, this time with a moue of irony.

As I neared the end of the novel, and as I watched Nick say “Oh … ” for the one-thousandth time, I finally grew weary. The meticulously annotated conversations, the microscopic level of descriptive detail, the suffocating presence of irony, ironies and ironic facial expressions and situations finally wore thin. That said, the first two-thirds of the novel are fantastic. If the gay sex in The Emperor’s Children wasn’t explicit enough for you, then The Line of Beauty is the book for you.

Gas Crime

It's obviously an error, but I couldn't resist screen grabbing from the Star recently, where the new Air Canada fuel surcharge was filed under the category of "GTA/CRIME." Sounds about right to me.

Demographic Turbulence

What a nasty, nasty euphemism, "demographic turbulence." (link). For me, it's a credibility-destroying phrase. I acknowledge the issue being debated is touchy and complex, but "demographic turbulence?"

Really? That's the best you could come up with? That is intellectual soft serve.

I'm a Mite Confused -- Is This My Last Issue?

This notice covered my copy of the Walrus that arrived in my mail slot recently. This prompted my girlfriend to joke, "I'm confused -- is that your last issue?"

You can smell the raw panic and desperation, can't you?

Anyway, I checked the mail this morning and, believe it or not, there was a new issue of the Walrus. Like a girl with low self-esteem, whose ultimatum regarding the relationship has gone unheeded by her insensitive boyfriend, she is still putting out.

For the record, I do not plan to resubscribe.