It's not quite right. Every time I read it I find it clunky somehow, especially the phrase "to press the number for his floor."
Wednesday night I was waiting for the subway and the solution came to me in a burst. Here's how the ad should read:
Jimmy the
germophobe waits
patiently for someone
to press his floor
number. Come on 12!
germophobe waits
patiently for someone
to press his floor
number. Come on 12!
It's 10 characters shorter and has a much better rhythm and flow. You're welcome.
